I'm going in for La Roux

I got a text from a friend of mine asking if anyone wanted their hair done by her mate Yasmine because she was looking for models for a cut or colour. This prompted me to spiral into the sort of hair dilemma I'm faced with at least once a year since the age of thirteen my hair's shit, I looked so much better blonde, why did I dye it brown, look at it just sort of lying there on my head, I'm going to change it again.. so I started fantasising about having it all dyed a dark red wine colour.
 My boyfriend said he thinks it's sexy, and although some people go "Oooh no, what about Cheryl Cole?"  Well I've done peroxide blonde, black, brown with highlights etc. and now I had my made my mind up, I was going to be Jessica Rabbit not Cheryl fucking Cole.
 So I texted Yasmine a few times enquiring when and where, and she replied that she would let me know when my appointment was and I got really excited. Then, after contacting her some more, her texts stopped and eventually she texted me that she was all booked up. Liar.
 Distraught and confused, I nipped in to Superdrug after my getting my nails done (so cheap in Hounslow!) and made the bold decision to buy a dye-at-home kit. I think I chose Spicy Red or something and tragically it came out a sort of mauve colour. Boyfriend weirdly thinks this Barney hair is still sexy. But THEN find out that my friend Tasha AND my old boss both have appointments with her that week!
 I gave Tasha strict instructions to tell Yasmine when she went in for her appointment that I wanted my hair red, I needed her to do it, I did it myself in desperation and it's gone purple and would she help me please. But I think by this point she was a bit freaked out that even her clients were getting messages through to her from me and I haven't heard anything since.
 So anyway, now I will be paying someone as soon as I can get time off work to make me look less like an Eastern-European cleaner.
 I don't even know if I want to do it red now, you know where you are with brown.